Why I keep my head under the covers when the lights are out... 

A Presence.... 

Little Old Schoolhouse...

Two days ago Sarah's class had a fieldtrip to a small town that has an entire village of historical buildings that are being restored and brought back to their original uses. Its quite remarkable to see, especially the little schoolhouse, it is exactly how I would have imagined it to be. When they found this schoolhouse it was sinking into 6 feet of ground and they literally had to dig the foundation out of the earth. They had several pictures of its disrepair, very sad to see how so much history was just left to rot on a plot of land in the middle of nowhere. Sarah's teacher (I could just give this women a great big hug and a wet sloppy kiss on the cheek she is that wonderful!) decided it would be a great adventure for the children to get to see how a school day was for the children of yesteryear, she planned for the whole day to be spent at this little village. The kids even had to dress the way the children did in the 1800's, of course our kids don't normally dress that way, so we had to come as close as we could with the clothing we already owned, surprizingly,every girl had on a long dress and many of them also had aprons and bonnets and humongous bows for their hair, Sarah wore a long dress with one of our vintage aprons and a gigantic bow(which she hated) in her long hair, I fixed her hair exactly like the girls would have worn it back then ( I love to research these things on the computer hehee), Sarah was not amused but she just looked as cute-as-a-bugs-ear!! And so the part ! When we arrived at the village the Village teacher was waiting for us and had all of the kids line up outside the school house in two straight lines ("very straight or I'll whack your knuckles with a ruler Straight!" That teacher was Harsh!!). Then she went inside and rang the school bell, all the kids walked nicely inside in two precisely straight lines and sat two by two in the first desks each came to. The inside of the school was restored to its original beauty, although in those days in a schoolhouse beauty was basic, the walls and ceiling were tongue and groove and the windows were huge to let in as much natural light as possible (gotta love that light), there was a humongous 200 year old pot belly stove that was original to the school and also 4 rows of desks that also belonged to the school, in fact when they found the old schoolhouse in its abandonded state ,the men originally thought that everything had been stolen and damaged by vandals, fortunatley when they were in the process of moving the school they had to cut it into pieces and when they got to the attic they cut a portion of the roof off and looked inside and found 25 perfectly preserved little double fold two seater desks, and they are beautiful! Very detailed iron work and the wood just glows. Thank God there was know way to access the attic and know way for anyone to know what had been so carefully stored up there.The village teacher played her part so very well she almost had me in tears, that women was a menace!In the very beginning of class she told the students that in the 1800's and early 1900's most of the teachers were very young in fact some of them were even younger then a good portion of the students they were teaching so in order to gain respect they needed to be very harsh and rigid, the village teacher, she was all of that and more...she even had the class genius bawlin' his big brained eyes out!! Sarah sat stiff and with perfect posture in her little wooden desk eyes forward with a "don't look in my direction" grimace pinched all over her face.It was a little funny to see Sarah so stiff but I guarantee if that teacher would have tried to mess with my kid I would have jumped out of my seat and she would have been pickin' her ruler out of her teeth !! Sarah's teacher was even getting a little taste of that "Rabid Mother Bear Syndrome",I seen her on the edge of her seat several times just wanting to stand up and put an end to the harshness and protect her babies. But she stayed calm and in her seat. After striking the fear of God into the children and half of the parents and Sarah's teacher, the Village teacher finally tried to explain to the class that she was just play acting and that they were not to be afraid just pretend along with her, that seemed to help alittle, although I must say I am extremely grateful to God and all that is pure and good that I never had a teacher like this women and I pray my children never do...they are already afraid to open their little mouths in class I think a teacher like that would traumatize them for life! No wonder the children in those days always had the look of mortal fear etched on their little faces. Despite the drama the whole day was unique and amazing...and a learning experience for all of us...

Puttin' out a flameless fire...

So very very sorry that I haven't kept up with my Blog these last few days.And especially sorry that I haven't returned calls or emails.It has been crazy buzy around here this week. Monday Kruze and I dropped the girls off at school and then went to settle up a deal we had for some standing wood that we had purchased(we need to have it all cut and chopped and out in the next 3 months). We have plenty of wood for heating the big old house this winter but we need to keep a year or so ahead in the planning. So we settled up our claim for wood on some DNR land (all dead ,dying wood, I am a tree hugger ya know!! ) and went out to the land to scope it out and mark it off. It was "too" much for Kruze to see all of his wood just standing there waiting to be cut and chopped so naturely he was chomping at the bit to fire up the chainsaw. We spent the day cuttin' stackin' and loadin', it was the perfect day for manual labor...and everything went pretty smoothly until we were on our last load of the day, and there was literally only enough room for one more log on the load, first I should explain this little morsel of information...when you are operating any sort of equipment on DNR land you are under very strict rules and regulations, we were given a sheet of paper full of specific instructions on how we were to do things and one of those specific regulations required us to have a fire extinguisher ready and available to us at all times, naturally, given the fact that a chainsaw could explode or burst into flames at any moment (?!!?excuse me?!!?), still a little unclear about this particular idea...but not being one to "buck" the system (ok OK !! I know that is a big- fat-headed lie, I buck it every chance I get) but guys this is the DNR and these guys would stick it to their own Grandma~ma if they thought she wasn't obeying their rules!! So extinguisher we done had!! And that would be where I came in...right on schedule...if there is a thing to go wrong I am there for ya, Kruze knows this first hand and is literally dumbfounded if I actually carry something off to the end without there being some sort of a hitch...YEAH...well...we will probably be vaccuming bright-yellow-foamy-powdery stuff out of our truck for years and years to come...but on a positive note, it comes right out of jeans, a sweat shirt and underwear, a bra and winter jacket in the wash and Pantene does a remarkable job at getting bright-yellow-powdered-foam out of hair...And yes laughter does carry quite well throughout a forest full of leafless trees...

Poser... 

Barley and me....he/she is so beautiful...still not sure exactly what this cat is...if its a boy Barley is in for some very serious "envy" because our cat Clover is without a doubt "all" boy and extremely "stacked"...

Vintage Aprons... 

Vintage Aprons I found at a Rummage sale, and they're even red...my new favorite color in the kitchen...

With her head jammed under the flannel to keep the "MID~DAY" sun out of her eyes...where is the justice !!? 

Eight Days and Counting...

Just eight days until round two of Testing. Surprizingly I have thought about these tests very little this month. I have been way too occupied by other more interesting things...the trees, the garden, the new woodstove, the awesome book I just finished (Was it Beautiful by Alison McGhee),Em and Sar's sleepovers, get togethers with my friends,house guests, baking,canning, making concord grape jam with my nieghbor. My days have been thankfully full of activity. Though now that it's getting closer to Oct 28, I'm starting to get a little more anxious. My headaches are back again (which leads me to believe that the headaches were stress related and there for I canceled my appt. with the Neurologist, no sense giving him a chunk of money, just to have him say "its all in your head...ya freakin' Lunatic".) There's a humongous bill that Kruze will be happy not to see! I do still feel removed from the whole thing, like I'm watching this little part of my life on TV, and if I really wanted to I could just shut it off and never know the way it turns out, a small part of me thinks that "not" knowing one way or the other would be better then finding out it is serious and then having to deal with it. If I hadn't gone thru all of these very same tests 9 years ago with my mother, and I hadn't watched how easily it is for the doctor to walk thru the door and sit on a metal twisty chair just inches from you all the while looking at you in a way that makes every inch of your being know that when he starts to speak the words are going to change your life forever and nothing will ever be the same. Then maybe, just maybe, this week wouldn't feel quite so surreal.

Pics taken While we were hiking...

Masquerade

A kaleidoscope of colors
Decorate the autumn scene
As falsely colored foliage
Reflects the sunlight's sheen
Mountain sides are covered
With a multitude of hues
Jack Frost has paid his visit
And now extracts his dues
Alders, oak and aspen
Shed their summer green
To take on pastel colors
Of the season in between
The end of dog day summer
Now winter's frigid blast
But the reign of regal beauty
Was never meant to last
With Autumn leaves soon falling
And birds on southern wind
The season's past is eminent
And the masquerade will end

E. Widger

A Place Where I Belong...

Church in the woods and all of the arms are outstretched and open...

Self Portrait... 

A Light and Fluffy Post...

She actually said it ! She did... I read it with my own two eyes!! Dooce(Dooce.com) said "Britches" YEAH !! I am not the only person in the universe that uses that word (Kruze swears I am)!! You all have no idea how long I have waited to have that word documented in writing by another person so that I could prove to Kruze that it is a good and purposeful word. For example my favorite morning screech : "Girls get your cracks in here and get your Britches on we're going to be late for school!" See... now how would that sound without the use of the word britches? Just not right my friends...Just~not~right ....

This just must be said...

I am going to say something on this blog that may tick some of you off...Too Bad...it needs to be said.

My church sucks!! There I said it...sacriligious? Probably. Oh Well the truth hurts. I am going to share with you the many reason's why I feel this way : I have been going to this church for 8 years ,(1) I see the same people every Sunday (that I attend) and I know these people see me, yet if I should run into them unexpectedly during the rest of the week most of them will not even make the smallest effort to acknowledge me unless I first acknowledge them. (2) The church preaches forgiveness and compassion,yet they forced our Pastor of 10 years to resign at the slightest infraction and then preceeded to rid the entire church (building) of all evidence that he had ever existed...where is the forgiveness and compassion in that?(3)They treat you like a checkbook and make you painfully aware of the fact that you are only as good as the amount of your last check. (4) If you fail to attend church over an extended period of time they make no effort to find out why or if every thing is all right, they just send you a large business sized envelope with a sheet of paper indicating how much money you are not giving because of your absence. There are so many more reasons..but wow, how much more depressing it is becoming to actually see it in written words.

This morning I was checking out one of my favorite Blogs"Jane Austin's Soul Sister" (Hi Jane thanx for bookmarking my blog Girl !!) And I read a post that she had written about this very same thing...and another Blog that she had included in her post(I copied and pasted a small section of that blog to post here because I sypathize with the author) also stated this same problem. Wow! Does everyone feel that they are being "short~changed" (no pun intended) by their church? What does this say about our christianity? What is God thinking? I wouldn't blame him if he just flushed the entire lot of us down the toilet and started over. So heres my question to you (anyone please)if you feel that you are not getting what you need spiritually from "your" church and the rest of the world seems to share your confusion, where do you turn?
Here is an exerpt from a blog I read this morning..it is so very much the way that I feel and said so much better then I could ever say it so I borrowed it so that you all could see it too (I hope its ok with you "Ginkworld.net")


Top Ten Reasons Why Your Church Sucks....


“First” he said, “Your church is totally irrelevant to the community. You all talk a good game, but you do not see the dynamic of the community changing around you. Second, your church is filled with poor leaders and over bearing bullies who believe the best way to get anything done is to frighten people. All you have are people who will tell you what to do, and not lead us in doing it. Third, your church has no vision. You guys are just dead in the water. Fourth, your church is old. Your church is filled with old people who have no reason to move ahead. They have more life behind them then they do ahead of them. Fifth, your church is inbred. The people my age in your church are all related to the older people so change is impossible. People who are part of the outside don’t feel welcomed into the inside and voice an opinion; it’s filled with mama’s boys. Sixth, your church is more concerned about image them reality. You all seem to be more concerned with the condition with building then with building the condition of your people. The carpet looks great, because no food is allowed near it. The stain glass is wonderful; because you spend more money on cleaning and maintaining it then you do on mission work. Seventh, your church sees no need for change. You are all happy in your fortress and are not interested in opening your doors to the outside. Evangelism is a dead concept, and community is only those inside the building. Eighth, your church doesn’t share a relevant message for a relevant time. You’re so concerned with doctrine, you are not allowing me to explore the faith and question the unquestionable. Ninth, your church doesn’t care about me as a person, only as a checkbook. Over the time I was with the church I heard more sermons on how much I should be giving and not one on how much you were willing to give up. The only time I had anyone from your church visit me was when “pledge time” came around and you needed me to increase my giving. It got to the point were I felt no matter what I gave it would never be enough. Tenth, your church is all politics and infighting. Things only get done if you can muster enough political support form others to get your point to be heard, press your issues and lobby for approval. You have to wheel and deal to get anything done.”

If I had words I'd sing a day for you...I'd sing you a morning golden and new...I would make this day last for all time...and give you a night dipped in moon shine...

The things I must endure on Kruze's day off...

This morning Kruze was watching open court on "Court TV" while I was reading my emails (I stay far far away from the tv while court tv is on because I am easily sucked into "any" trial and hours upon hours will pass by unobserved while I stare mindlessly at the tv screen with drool running down my chin, it is an addiction, one that I try so very hard not to feed..because if I give in to that addiction not a damn thing would get accomplished in my house). In any case things need to be tended to today so I stayed away from the living room and hummed a very loud tune so that I could not hear the witness stumbling over his testimony. Soon after I had read most of my emails I heard Kruze laughing as he approached me, "Hon stand up" he said thru the hysterics. "NO!" I said back to him...(I don't trust him a whole lot when he's laughing...good things never come from that laughter!) "The witness said he looked up and watched as her husband grabbed her by the ankles and thru her over the balcony." "I want to see if thats possible."... "Forget it Jackass!" "You are not throwing me over a balcony!!" "Do you see a Balcony ?" he said (smartass that he is) "Just stand up!!" I refused so he yanked me off the chair by my favorite pajama top (blue fuzzy feet Jammies) and shoved me over by the couch , he grabbed me by the ankles and thru my ass over the back of the couch...it was thankfully a soft landing or I would have come up fists clenched and swingin' !! "YEP Possible" he says and calmly walks away....

Golden rays of Autumn... 

Thanx Peej ..this would be one of the very few pics taken of me that I can actually stand to look at...not such a bad photographer... 

Well within my BMI Calculation...

Recently (today) it was brought to my attention that someone I know very well who shall remain COMPLETELY anonymous feels that I am too skinny and therefor should feed my face large amounts of greasy burgers (not a completely unpleasant thought I might add!). So just to prove said person (whom has been known to wear bib-over-alls without the appropriate undergarments) wrong, I decided to investigate this issue further...I googled my weight and height and came up with my ideal BMI (Body Mass Index) and my ideal weight...all of which took a grand total of 2.2 minutes. Here is my research in scientific terms:

___BMI___ ____ Weight Status____
Below 18.5 Underweight
18.5 - 24.9 Normal
25.0 - 29.9 Overweight

____Standard Weight Chart for Women____

Height ---Small Frame----Medium Frame----- Large Frame
___________________________________________________________
5'5 ------(117 - 130)-----(127 - 141)--------(137 - 155)

I am 5'5 with a small frame and I weigh 118 my BMI is 19.6 well within all ranges of a healthy body weight Thank You very Much Mr. Pickle Man and besides its all about how ya feel and I am completely happy with my Bod SO THERE!! LOL ;0) Just throwin' a little of your medicine back at ya and by the way I think Hutch may be rubbin' off on ya... the nasty comments just wanta' keep comin' out your mouth!! ;0) I think I shoulda' body slammed ya when your women told me to!! Its all Good and just a little fun Goofin' !!

YEAH Con it works!! Click on it!!

My little man got his first haircut today...his mama (Reish) was traumatized but he just looks cute~as~a~bugs~ear!! I'm so glad I was there to experience one of his many "first's". And in my personal opinion he looks even younger and more infant like!! Mason your God Momma loves ya Lil' Muffin Butt!! 

That Long Call...

Yesterday morning you listened to my craziness and you helped me to see things a little more clearly, thoughts that have been spiraling out of control and my world that has been following that spiral, suddenly seemed to stop and stand still long enough for me to see everything clearer for the first time in a very long time . I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for hearing the words I didn't even say and repeating them to me so that my heart would finally understand. You may not even realize the one thing that you said that finally made me see what I couldn't see for so very long, I'm not even sure that it matters if you realize what it was, what does matter is that you have seen me at my very worst and still you have never rubbed my face in my flaws and short comings for that I will always cherish you. Thank you for clearing the haze....

Its sooo very very close to Thanksgiving... 

Wild Turkeys lounging in our side yard...  

A walk in the Woods...

I took these pictures last week while I was walking through the woods behind our house it was sooo beautiful and the colors were perfect. This year the colors came so fast and so vivid it is such a gift to live so near these woods and to be able to walk through them and hear nothing but the wind blowing thru the leaves and the birds in the trees. I am blessed...

Cat Eyes...Tish and James the cat...(Tish ya look gorgeous so don't freak).Janesy just look at the eyes you gave your daughter...she should treat you like a queen for passin' on those genes!! 

Perfect Day...

After school last week my friend Connie and I decided to take our monsters fishing. We thought it would be a great time for her and I to catch up , we usually try to get together once a week while the kids are at school but lately we just haven't had a chance...and the "catchin' up" was long over due. Anyway we had a great time although if you look closely at these pics I took you will notice that not a whole lot of fishin' was actually goin' on. It was a little harder then we thought to keep five cookie crunchers interested in fishin' poles especially when there was an entire lake of water just waitin' to get their little cracks soakin' wet!! By the way I vividly remember saying in perfectly pronouced english "don't get your butts wet"...its hard to see in the pics but every set of cheeks were drenched within 2 seconds of those shoes comin' off!! Can ya blame them..if I wouldn't have been so totally wrapped up in an adult conversation I would have had my big buns splashin' in the lake too..water is just sooo very hard to resist especially on a warm fall day when every cell in your body is painfully aware of the fact that soon very soon the snow will fall and the lake will be frozen...

Storm brewin' over our farm 2 nights ago ..pic taken from the road which really draws attention to the fact that we have a gazillion mile long driveway... 

Colors.... 

Sarah... 

Innocence...

Over heard under the covers while having my usual Saturday morning snuggle fest with my babies...

Sar: Yesterday was the best day of my life...(Imagine "dreamy" eyes and puppy love facial expressions)..."Josh... whispered(long pause)... in my ear....(flowery girly girl *sigh* )...