Eight Days and Counting...

Just eight days until round two of Testing. Surprizingly I have thought about these tests very little this month. I have been way too occupied by other more interesting things...the trees, the garden, the new woodstove, the awesome book I just finished (Was it Beautiful by Alison McGhee),Em and Sar's sleepovers, get togethers with my friends,house guests, baking,canning, making concord grape jam with my nieghbor. My days have been thankfully full of activity. Though now that it's getting closer to Oct 28, I'm starting to get a little more anxious. My headaches are back again (which leads me to believe that the headaches were stress related and there for I canceled my appt. with the Neurologist, no sense giving him a chunk of money, just to have him say "its all in your head...ya freakin' Lunatic".) There's a humongous bill that Kruze will be happy not to see! I do still feel removed from the whole thing, like I'm watching this little part of my life on TV, and if I really wanted to I could just shut it off and never know the way it turns out, a small part of me thinks that "not" knowing one way or the other would be better then finding out it is serious and then having to deal with it. If I hadn't gone thru all of these very same tests 9 years ago with my mother, and I hadn't watched how easily it is for the doctor to walk thru the door and sit on a metal twisty chair just inches from you all the while looking at you in a way that makes every inch of your being know that when he starts to speak the words are going to change your life forever and nothing will ever be the same. Then maybe, just maybe, this week wouldn't feel quite so surreal.