Blink...

Christmas came and went. Our first christmas without Grandma I felt like I was floating above the Holiday not dropping down deep enough into the festivities to let the loss effect me. She always loved Christmas she treated every gift everyone had ever given her like it was the one thing she had always wanted. She could tell you who gave her every ornament on her tree and she knew exactly when they gave it to her even the silly little construction paper cut-outs that were all faded and crinkled . Her favorite thing to do during the Holidays was always driving around through the town and countryside looking at all of the christmas lights, she would sit in the front seat next to my Grandpa and ooo and ahhh over even the tiniest display of lights. She was amazing and kind and big hearted and she taught me so many things she taught me compassion and forgiveness I watched her dote on a spoiled insensitive moody son for years and even after all of the thoughtless and mean things he said and did to her she never once had an unkind thing to say about him. Its funny how people can only ever think of wonderful things to say about loved ones that have passed away. I could sit for hours and try to come up with a negative thing about my grandma and the only thing that comes to mind is the fact that the woman was mettlesome she could and would NOT mind her own damn business. She would get something into her head and she would nag you until you were ready to slit your own freakin' wrists just to get away from the sound of her disapproval. She had her idea of how things should be and damn it that is how you had better DO IT ! Not such a horrible characteristic considering most often she was right! She once said to me two funny little things that didn't mean a whole lot to me at the time but for some reason have managed to stay with me all of these years...she said "Lucy never follow a man that turns your head follow the man that turns your heart"... "A good Lookin' man is almost always more Lookin' then Good."