Beyond Unreal...

My mother is spending a little down time with us for the next week or two,I love it when she comes to stay. Em and Sar and all the dogs love it when Na~Na comes to visit too. They all fight over who gets to sit next to her, the dogs are especially jealous. Kruze likes it when she comes because it is a constant battle of the wits between the two of them, they rip on each other continuously(they are lovingly viscious).
Two days ago mom and I decided to go visit my grandmother in the hospital, its a long drive 4 hours there and of course 4 back. The drive started out beautifully, the sun was shining and mom and I were talking about the girls and school and Lilli and how she's turning out to be a really good litle dog (we brought her along to visit Gran,they allow small dogs). About an hour into the drive I spotted a little wooden playhouse with a green metal roof in a large yard next to a big red barn, incidently it happened to be an Amish farm. I slowed down and pulled into the driveway because there was a "for sale" sign on the little playhouse, Sar has been beggin' her daddy to build her a playhouse for about 2 years now, he hasn't had the time with all of the other projects he has been tryin' to tackle. It was really just the cutest little house and the Amish built it!! How can it get any better?!! I love all things Amish!! It was too perfect not to stop and examine it close up....Amish Farm...Big Red Barn...cow cows in the field...the sun was shinin' and I was wearin' my favorite skirt and sweater set and little leather sandals...how could a single thing go wrong?
I jumped out of the car and walked around the front of it toward the little house. It was so precious I hardly noticed a thing around me, I was just about to step up onto the little minature porch and peek through the window when I felt a mouth close over my hand...there were teeth, though I only felt them graze my flesh, I stopped dead in my tracks barely any time to register what was happening and certainly not enough time to conjure up my normal panic response at the meer sight of a dog. I looked down and there he stood, Big Dog. Thankfully he started to lick my hand,my face, my neck, all the while jumping all over me and wagging his tail happily. I started to feel that little familiar fear reer its ugly head as the dog got a little more carried away with the friendliness but I just kept telling him...nice big doggy...nice nice nice big doggy...pleeeeease stay nice big big doggy...while I walked quickly toward the car with him jumping all over me...I opened the door and jumped inside slamming it behind me. Shwuuhhhh relief!! And then we smelled it. The scent hit mom and I like a brick wall and knocked the wind clean out of our lungs! Cow manure! Big billowing clouds of stink...and I was wearing it. All over my skirt and sweater and sandals, arms and legs and in my hair, stink from head to toe. We could hardly breathe, we tried rolling the windows down, that didn't help. Mom even sprayed a little of the perfume she carries in her purse, that didn't help. It was a miserable stench, we were laughing and gagging all the way to the nearest town a little over an hour and a half away. Thank God for "great-big-blood-sucking-take-over-the-world-and-send-the little-man-with-his-little-business-packing-Wal*mart"(can you feel my love for Wal*mart?). I found a quick "make~do" outfit (and a gorgeous Easter Lily for Gran), purchased it and changed into the outfit after rinsing my arms and legs the best I could in the restroom and then jammed all the cow poop clothing in the bag and tied it as tight as I could...it still stunk even through the plastic. I was heading out thru the big Wal*mart doors and feeling like the crisis had been averted and it really hadn't been all that bad because if nothing else at least mom and I had a great laugh and isn't it much more fun to laugh at the detours and bumps along your path...and then, I kid you not, a bird flew over and shit on my head!! Right on my HEAD!! SHEESH could I be any more of a shit magnet!!?